Clarity. Damn. What is clarity? The ability to see things clearly? The opacity of an object? The ability to see clearly either refers to a physical or mental understanding of something. At least, thats sort of how I view it. Now opacity is another whole subject. Your ability to see through something. Whether you can see perfectly through something or have a foggy view. Then perfect gets brought into the equation and it all becomes insanely unrealistic. Being able to see through something or completely not see through something, both complete opposites, both perfect in their own right.
Where am I going with this? I just explained my view on life to you. That is primarily how I see things. With no pun intended. The idea of clarity and understanding within life is impossible to gauge. Either way, there are things I just dont understand. See, this is where if I had given you a title you would start to get confused. Now trust me, at this point you probably are no longer reading this because you either go so confused you cancelled out, or your a damn trooper and want to see where I take this magical ride.
Well. Lately, I have been getting these damn curveballs in life and I dont know which way to swing. Sometimes, things can either be positive or negative, sometimes one situation brings upon both as options. Girls scare the shit out of me. Did I ever mention that? I do not get how they have the ability to take over my mind so much. I had a conversation with a good friend the other day about the idea of me and relationships. Now if you know me, you are going "2 weeks and its over, he has nothing to offer" and I do NOT blame you, that is my past and I am forced to live with it. However, I want more than that. Not just from girls, but from everything in my life. I am known for being one thing in life, above all else.
Inconsistent.
I have no problem saying that at all. I am one of the most inconsistent people you will ever meet up to this point in my life. When I am on, there is rarely anyone better than me. When I am off, which is often, well, I am not much of anything.
HOWEVER.
Lately, things have been turning around. Getting me to the point in my life where I break out of that shell......
Alright. Stop. Pause. Freeze.
Listen to me. If you listen to me only once in your life and you have made it this far, listen to what I am telling your RIGHT NOW.
Dont follow in my foot steps. The things I will do over the next year may be big, they may be small. Learn from me, but do not follow me. I am a leader, but I am not to be followed. The path I chose to get here was one that I wish upon nobody in this world. Be yourself. Dream BIG. But most of all, enjoy every single moment of it. I have missed opportunities in life, some that I think about on a constant basis. I mean hell, I let a girl move back to Chicago before I told her how I really felt. But again, thats a story for another time :).
At the end of the day. Stand up, walk to the closest mirror, take a look, and ask yourself if you are who you want to be. If the answer is no, then start over. Nothing should stop you from being the person you hoped and dreamed of being. I used to look in the mirror and dream of being someone else. Today? I look in the mirror and I smile. Not because I am happy of what I have become, but rather who I am going to become. Trust me when I say that nobody will ever judge you for following your heart, wherever that may lead you. You get one chance in this world, the people who love you the most will ALWAYS follow you. Wherever that may be. I tell you not to follow me, because I simply do not deserve your love and trust in my guidance. What I do deserve is the journey I must endure to get where I need to be.
Whether that is here or there, then or now. The world is a big place, somehow, not big enough.
See you soon.
Today. You knew me. Tomorrow. You will forever remember me.
Kyle
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